| My Road to Recovery from a Broken Heart |
April 31 - I'm starting this online journal in the hopes that I can truly
move on from a relationship that ended about 6 months ago. I
TOTALLY understand that this woman was totally wrong for me, and
yet somehow I can't seem to get her out of my head. I am currently
adopting the "No Contact" policy, and I haven't spoken to her in over
a month now, yet each passing day thoughts of her are always on my
mind.
I have scoured the internet, read relationship forums for hours, went
out on dates, and even had a few meaningless physical encounters,
all in the hopes of trying to end the emptiness and loneliness that I
feel. I have made a list of all of her bad qualities and why our
relationship would never work (and believe me the list was a long
one! lol) Yet, here I sit, just pining away. Well, I have grown sick of
this feeling and I am going to try to break these chains of heartbreak,
and start a great new life.
Whenever our relationship ended, she moved 30 miles to the north,
and I moved about 15 miles to the south.. I figured that would be a
nice "buffer" zone so I wouldn't have to see her in town, wouldn't have
to hear about her new relationships, and would be able to start fresh
and new..
That worked for about 3 months until she decided to pick up and
move to my town and now lives only about 1 1/2 miles away from me.
I asked myself why? Why would she do this? This is when the phone
calls started coming.. Shortly thereafter she started showing up at a
little pub down the street that she knows I frequent 2 or 3 times a
week to socialize amongst friends. It was long before I started
hearing the "I Love You", and "I want you back" lines.. Being that I
know her well, I asked myself if these are true feelings that she has
and if she is being genuine? Well, all I got was a great big HELL NO!
This woman has cheated on me (more than once), lied to me almost
constantly even when there was no reason for it, has a very
narcissistic personality, and is an all around vindictive person that
always has a hidden agenda!
I KNOW the reasons why I don't want to be with her, but I am
confused by the reasons why I do want to be with her.. Believe it or
not, we did have some great times together and she felt perfect in my
arms. Even though many times were good, the bad times trumped
them all. I want to start over and find my true love, but am struggling
to let go.. Until I do, I don't think I'll be able to give my "Soul Mate"
what she needs and deserves from the relationship. So today I begin
documenting in this journal about attempting to get this crazy, whack
job, demented, ex out of my brain! It should be an interesting ride.
Please bookmark the site if you want to follow along on this roller
coaster ride. I am actually 33 years old, and have been through
relationships before, but this one just knocked me flat on my back
and took away my breath. Its time to breath again.
Well, for the last several days when I started thinking about writing a
journal, I also started contemplating my plan of attack. How was I
going to totally let go of this relationship that has no hope for
reconciliation. Well, I had been talking casually to a woman out of
state for the last couple of months for some kind of companionship
even though there really wasn't a reason to believe that there was
much of a chance for a relationship to blossom. Well, come to find
out she moved to a town that is only 35 miles away. I offered to take
her out for a night on the town.. She accepted.. Day 1 of the journal,
and I already have a date :) Stay tuned to see how it goes! I'll write
again in a day or two to tell you if it was a disaster or if it may have
some type of potential..
move on from a relationship that ended about 6 months ago. I
TOTALLY understand that this woman was totally wrong for me, and
yet somehow I can't seem to get her out of my head. I am currently
adopting the "No Contact" policy, and I haven't spoken to her in over
a month now, yet each passing day thoughts of her are always on my
mind.
I have scoured the internet, read relationship forums for hours, went
out on dates, and even had a few meaningless physical encounters,
all in the hopes of trying to end the emptiness and loneliness that I
feel. I have made a list of all of her bad qualities and why our
relationship would never work (and believe me the list was a long
one! lol) Yet, here I sit, just pining away. Well, I have grown sick of
this feeling and I am going to try to break these chains of heartbreak,
and start a great new life.
Whenever our relationship ended, she moved 30 miles to the north,
and I moved about 15 miles to the south.. I figured that would be a
nice "buffer" zone so I wouldn't have to see her in town, wouldn't have
to hear about her new relationships, and would be able to start fresh
and new..
That worked for about 3 months until she decided to pick up and
move to my town and now lives only about 1 1/2 miles away from me.
I asked myself why? Why would she do this? This is when the phone
calls started coming.. Shortly thereafter she started showing up at a
little pub down the street that she knows I frequent 2 or 3 times a
week to socialize amongst friends. It was long before I started
hearing the "I Love You", and "I want you back" lines.. Being that I
know her well, I asked myself if these are true feelings that she has
and if she is being genuine? Well, all I got was a great big HELL NO!
This woman has cheated on me (more than once), lied to me almost
constantly even when there was no reason for it, has a very
narcissistic personality, and is an all around vindictive person that
always has a hidden agenda!
I KNOW the reasons why I don't want to be with her, but I am
confused by the reasons why I do want to be with her.. Believe it or
not, we did have some great times together and she felt perfect in my
arms. Even though many times were good, the bad times trumped
them all. I want to start over and find my true love, but am struggling
to let go.. Until I do, I don't think I'll be able to give my "Soul Mate"
what she needs and deserves from the relationship. So today I begin
documenting in this journal about attempting to get this crazy, whack
job, demented, ex out of my brain! It should be an interesting ride.
Please bookmark the site if you want to follow along on this roller
coaster ride. I am actually 33 years old, and have been through
relationships before, but this one just knocked me flat on my back
and took away my breath. Its time to breath again.
Well, for the last several days when I started thinking about writing a
journal, I also started contemplating my plan of attack. How was I
going to totally let go of this relationship that has no hope for
reconciliation. Well, I had been talking casually to a woman out of
state for the last couple of months for some kind of companionship
even though there really wasn't a reason to believe that there was
much of a chance for a relationship to blossom. Well, come to find
out she moved to a town that is only 35 miles away. I offered to take
her out for a night on the town.. She accepted.. Day 1 of the journal,
and I already have a date :) Stay tuned to see how it goes! I'll write
again in a day or two to tell you if it was a disaster or if it may have
some type of potential..
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| Email Me at heartloveaffair@yahoo.com |
My Road To Recovery From A Broken Heart
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