| My Road to Recovery from a Broken Heart |
April 31 - I'm starting this online journal in the hopes that I can
truly move on from a relationship that ended about 6 months
ago. I TOTALLY understand that this woman was totally wrong
for me, and yet somehow I can't seem to get her out of my head.
I am currently adopting the "No Contact" policy, and I haven't
spoken to her in over a month now, yet each passing day
thoughts of her are always on my mind.
I have scoured the internet, read relationship forums for hours,
went out on dates, and even had a few meaningless physical
encounters, all in the hopes of trying to end the emptiness and
loneliness that I feel. I have made a list of all of her bad qualities
and why our relationship would never work (and believe me the
list was a long one! lol) Yet, here I sit, just pining away. Well, I
have grown sick of this feeling and I am going to try to break
these chains of heartbreak, and start a great new life.
Whenever our relationship ended, she moved 30 miles to the
north, and I moved about 15 miles to the south.. I figured that
would be a nice "buffer" zone so I wouldn't have to see her in
town, wouldn't have to hear about her new relationships, and
would be able to start fresh and new..
That worked for about 3 months until she decided to pick up and
move to my town and now lives only about 1 1/2 miles away from
me. I asked myself why? Why would she do this? This is when
the phone calls started coming.. Shortly thereafter she started
showing up at a little pub down the street that she knows I
frequent 2 or 3 times a week to socialize amongst friends. It was
long before I started hearing the "I Love You", and "I want you
back" lines.. Being that I know her well, I asked myself if these
are true feelings that she has and if she is being genuine? Well,
all I got was a great big HELL NO! This woman has cheated on
me (more than once), lied to me almost constantly even when
there was no reason for it, has a very narcissistic personality,
and is an all around vindictive person that always has a hidden
agenda!
I KNOW the reasons why I don't want to be with her, but I am
confused by the reasons why I do want to be with her.. Believe it
or not, we did have some great times together and she felt
perfect in my arms. Even though many times were good, the bad
times trumped them all. I want to start over and find my true love,
but am struggling to let go.. Until I do, I don't think I'll be able to
give my "Soul Mate" what she needs and deserves from the
relationship. So today I begin documenting in this journal about
attempting to get this crazy, whack job, demented, ex out of my
brain! It should be an interesting ride. Please bookmark the site
if you want to follow along on this roller coaster ride. I am
actually 33 years old, and have been through relationships
before, but this one just knocked me flat on my back and took
away my breath. Its time to breath again.
Well, for the last several days when I started thinking about
writing a journal, I also started contemplating my plan of attack.
How was I going to totally let go of this relationship that has no
hope for reconciliation. Well, I had been talking casually to a
woman out of state for the last couple of months for some kind of
companionship even though there really wasn't a reason to
believe that there was much of a chance for a relationship to
blossom. Well, come to find out she moved to a town that is only
35 miles away. I offered to take her out for a night on the town..
She accepted.. Day 1 of the journal, and I already have a date :)
Stay tuned to see how it goes! I'll write again in a day or two to
tell you if it was a disaster or if it may have some type of
potential..
truly move on from a relationship that ended about 6 months
ago. I TOTALLY understand that this woman was totally wrong
for me, and yet somehow I can't seem to get her out of my head.
I am currently adopting the "No Contact" policy, and I haven't
spoken to her in over a month now, yet each passing day
thoughts of her are always on my mind.
I have scoured the internet, read relationship forums for hours,
went out on dates, and even had a few meaningless physical
encounters, all in the hopes of trying to end the emptiness and
loneliness that I feel. I have made a list of all of her bad qualities
and why our relationship would never work (and believe me the
list was a long one! lol) Yet, here I sit, just pining away. Well, I
have grown sick of this feeling and I am going to try to break
these chains of heartbreak, and start a great new life.
Whenever our relationship ended, she moved 30 miles to the
north, and I moved about 15 miles to the south.. I figured that
would be a nice "buffer" zone so I wouldn't have to see her in
town, wouldn't have to hear about her new relationships, and
would be able to start fresh and new..
That worked for about 3 months until she decided to pick up and
move to my town and now lives only about 1 1/2 miles away from
me. I asked myself why? Why would she do this? This is when
the phone calls started coming.. Shortly thereafter she started
showing up at a little pub down the street that she knows I
frequent 2 or 3 times a week to socialize amongst friends. It was
long before I started hearing the "I Love You", and "I want you
back" lines.. Being that I know her well, I asked myself if these
are true feelings that she has and if she is being genuine? Well,
all I got was a great big HELL NO! This woman has cheated on
me (more than once), lied to me almost constantly even when
there was no reason for it, has a very narcissistic personality,
and is an all around vindictive person that always has a hidden
agenda!
I KNOW the reasons why I don't want to be with her, but I am
confused by the reasons why I do want to be with her.. Believe it
or not, we did have some great times together and she felt
perfect in my arms. Even though many times were good, the bad
times trumped them all. I want to start over and find my true love,
but am struggling to let go.. Until I do, I don't think I'll be able to
give my "Soul Mate" what she needs and deserves from the
relationship. So today I begin documenting in this journal about
attempting to get this crazy, whack job, demented, ex out of my
brain! It should be an interesting ride. Please bookmark the site
if you want to follow along on this roller coaster ride. I am
actually 33 years old, and have been through relationships
before, but this one just knocked me flat on my back and took
away my breath. Its time to breath again.
Well, for the last several days when I started thinking about
writing a journal, I also started contemplating my plan of attack.
How was I going to totally let go of this relationship that has no
hope for reconciliation. Well, I had been talking casually to a
woman out of state for the last couple of months for some kind of
companionship even though there really wasn't a reason to
believe that there was much of a chance for a relationship to
blossom. Well, come to find out she moved to a town that is only
35 miles away. I offered to take her out for a night on the town..
She accepted.. Day 1 of the journal, and I already have a date :)
Stay tuned to see how it goes! I'll write again in a day or two to
tell you if it was a disaster or if it may have some type of
potential..
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| Email Me at heartloveaffair@yahoo.com |
My Road To Recovery From A Broken Heart
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