| April 2 - Well, the date went pretty well. I really don't feel that there is a lot of potential here for a long term relationship, but it was nice to get out and enjoy a woman's company without the "Ex" constantly being on my mind. There is one thing that kind of freaked me out in a way. The lady drew a striking resemblance to my ex.. Same age (39), approximately the same weight, two teenage kids, and even grew up in Sacramento, California.. (I reside in Missouri now).. That kind of blew me away, and made me wonder if I'm subconsciously seeking out a replacement for her, and I definitely don't to wander down that path again, because that trail just lead to heartache and despair.. I'll continue this later when I have more time to express my feelings, and let you know of my progress. |
| Road to Recovery |
Road to Recovery
Relationship Recovery Journal
| May 6 - Well, I asked the new girl that I am seeing (We will call her Crystal) and she came over to have just a quiet evening of movies and dinner. It went ok, but I'm quickly learning that she isn't the one whom I want to pursue a relationship with. I hear its very normal to go through several "rebound" relationships, and I'm quickly realizing that this is one of those. I feel bad for her in a way because she seems to really like me, but I would feel worse if I just led her on while I try to get over my ex. I will let her know that apparently I'm not ready for a new relationship quite yet at this time. I wish that I was, because I function a lot better with a good woman in my life. I eat better, I don't hang out in bars nearly as much, and just have an overall healthier lifestyle. Crystal was too similar to my Ex.. Physical similarities, age, upbringing, values. I couldn't help but to compare the two together, and that led me to pining about the ex even though they are two different people.. I think its early enough our relationship (only two dates) to end it now and try to maintain a friendship. I have learned throughout my life that it is next to impossible to stay friends with a person of the opposite sex if deeper feelings for one another start to take root, and somebody gets really hurt once its over. I would really like to maintain a friendship with her because she seems to be a person I would be proud to have as a friend. I am terrible at ending a relationship. Probably because I don't want to hurt the person and either start avoiding them and becoming distant, or letting my feelings build up and I'll just blurt them out, and they feel kind of blindsided and say that they never saw it coming. This is something that I need to work on within myself.. Maybe, I will try to pursue a woman on the total opposite end of the spectrum. Different personality.. I have often heard that when you STOP looking is the time that the "Special" person will walk in to your life. While I'm sure that does happen it surely hasn't happened to me yet.. Maybe its just not my time yet, and now is the time I need to learn to be happy being single, and to fully get over the ex that broke my heart. Well, anyway I am going to go out tonight. I'm just going down to the local pub. I don't like driving too far after I've had some drinks, and I really don't know how to meet people outside of the bar scene. I can't bring myself to approach women in grocery stores or libraries out of the fear that I might totally be offending them and I don't do well with rejection! lol.. If you have any suggestions please email those to me at heartloveaffair@yahoo.com ha ha... I'll have my daughter over the weekend (I have her every other weekend), so I should have time to write more. Please come back soon to read more. |
Read More Journal Page 1, 2, 3, 4 |