|Do Reconciliations and Second Chances Ever Work?
Getting Back Together With an Ex Love? Do
Second Chances and Reconciliations Ever Work?
In all of my experiences, the answer has been no, although I
have heard that there are exceptions. One thing that I am fairly
certain of is that the odds are stacked against you from the
beginning of a reconciliation attempt.
Both partners must be equally willing to let go of the past, and be
willing to meet the issues that lead to the break up in the first
place head on. If these issues can't be resolved by BOTH
partners then there is very little chance of a happy relationship.
Sure, you can stay in a relationship where the underlying issues
are never resolved, but will you be happy? Will your guilts, fears,
and resentments ever fade away when the original problems
start to resurface again? (Which they most certainly will!)
I'm not trying to persuade anyone into thinking that they
shouldn't give their relationship, or marriage a second chance.
Second chances DO work, for SOME people, SOME of the time.
First of all I would suggest making a list of all the reasons why
your relationship didn't work the first time around. Be as honest
with yourself as you can, because if you have a "all his fault", or
"all her fault" mentality your wasting your time anyway. Make a
list for partner AND yourself. Surely your weren't a Saint in all
aspects of the relationship. If for some miraculous reason you
really don't feel that you brought ANY of the problems to the
table, you might want to ask yourself if you really want to be with
someone that brought so much grief and turmoil to your life.
Now, after you made out your list, you need to go over it and
check off the ones that are "Fixable" in your opinion. How will
you fix them, and will your partner be willing to try to do his/her
part to fix them as well? Believe me when I say, infidelity
definitely weighs more, than if they have a problem throwing
their wet towel in the hamper after they take a shower.
Infidelity was one of the deal breakers in my last relationship.
The trust was broken and could not be healed with time. I tried
to reconcile 5 separate times, but this issue would not die.
Ignoring it doesn't help. It just stews underneath for awhile, but
surely to return.
We all have different personalities, and different capabilities for forgiveness. How much can you honestly forgive in this
relationship? If you can no longer feel safe and secure when they leave town for a week, how is this going to make you feel?
When you see them again, will you be able to give them a hug without feeling the coldness of "What If" it happened again? If
infidelity was indeed a problem, and you feel as if you can fully trust them again, then MAYBE, this is fixable for you. In my
case it was not.
It all comes down to a MUTUAL attempt between you and your significant other to strip your relationship down to the core.
Lay every thing out on the table. Let them know what you need for this relationship to work.. Also make sure that you know
what THEY need for this relationship to work. You both have to reach a common ground of commitment.
Many people are afraid to be on their own. They have been in a relationship for so long, just the thought of being alone is
terrifying. There is not a website out there that can give YOU all the answers to what YOU are looking for. Everything has to
come from within yourself. What your willing to put up with. What is your definition of happiness. What will make you be
content with your life. Are your kids really benefiting watching you be in a bad relationship? Honesty to yourself is the most
important thing in my opinion. We all deserve to be happy in this life, and so do you! Try not to live hanging with too many
regrets and everything will work out. This is our one shot at life, and we all deserve peace, prosperity, and happiness.