8-12 Pain of Rejection
Well, I haven't written in my "Road to Recovery" journal in quite
awhile. Things had been going pretty decent. I have been on a few
dates. One girl, I went on to see for about a month. It just didn't
work out, and there were no hard feelings. (At least for me). She
hasn't returned a couple of messages I left since we stopped seeing
each other. I was hoping that we could stay friends, but apparently
this won't be the case.
Since then, I decided that I was just going to stop pursuing
relationships, and to not go out with the intention of seeking them
out. I have heard many times over, is that when you stop looking for
a relationship, is when it finally happens. Well, I was out with some
friends at my local bar just shooting the breeze, and watching a
baseball game on the television. They told me about this new little
bar that opened up the road and that we should check it out. I said
sure why not, since it wasn't too exciting at the place where we were
at.
The new little bar we went in to was just a little hole in the wall, in
back of the restaurant. I was about floored when I saw the bartender
and was hit with an instant intense, and almost electric physical
attraction. I have seen many beautiful women in my life, but never
have felt this initial attraction.
Over the next couple of weeks I would go in there for a few times a
week and we would always talk the night away having a great time.
She seemed to behave different around me then all of the other
patrons. She is simply beautiful, but is not conceited in ANY way. Its
almost as if she doesn't realize how beautiful that she is.
About a week ago we were the only ones in the bar late at night.
She asked me to dance, and I obviously accepted. The next thing
we know we are embraced in a kiss.. I felt something that not even
my ex wife was able to do.. I actually became weak in the knees and
overcome with an emotion that I am unfamiliar with. Could this be
the love of my life that I have always wanted? Does she feel this
burning attraction that I felt?
Well, the next day I asked her if that kiss was genuine, or if it might
have been fueled by a couple of shots she drank behind the bar
(she hardly ever drinks, so I thought that she could have been
influenced). She said the kiss was indeed genuine and that she
"likes me a ton", but she thinks we should just be friends.
Ouch, the dreaded "friend" word. Once you become a "friend", there
is little chance that you can get out from under that. This young lady
absolutely makes me melt in her presence. I have never felt that
energy. She rejected me in a very nice way (kindness is in her
nature), but rejection is a horrible feeling nonetheless.
I still frequent the bar, but just seeing her is quite painful. She treats
me different from anyone else, and I can sense that she has
feelings, by the way she looks and acts around me. I have had
friends say "she likes you man".. We still talk, and I try to respect
her wishes to just be friends. Its painful though, because I see
someone that I have fallen in love with but can't have.
I wonder if I should just stay away for awhile, since the pain is pretty
intense, or if I should just settle to be her friend. I'm not sure if thats
possible however. She has a job where she gets "picked up on" a
dozen times a day. She always turns them down. She doesn't seem
interested in any of them like she does with me. I don't know what to
do. I'll write back soon and update my readers. Rejection by the
woman I love has broken my heart.
Well, I haven't written in my "Road to Recovery" journal in quite
awhile. Things had been going pretty decent. I have been on a few
dates. One girl, I went on to see for about a month. It just didn't
work out, and there were no hard feelings. (At least for me). She
hasn't returned a couple of messages I left since we stopped seeing
each other. I was hoping that we could stay friends, but apparently
this won't be the case.
Since then, I decided that I was just going to stop pursuing
relationships, and to not go out with the intention of seeking them
out. I have heard many times over, is that when you stop looking for
a relationship, is when it finally happens. Well, I was out with some
friends at my local bar just shooting the breeze, and watching a
baseball game on the television. They told me about this new little
bar that opened up the road and that we should check it out. I said
sure why not, since it wasn't too exciting at the place where we were
at.
The new little bar we went in to was just a little hole in the wall, in
back of the restaurant. I was about floored when I saw the bartender
and was hit with an instant intense, and almost electric physical
attraction. I have seen many beautiful women in my life, but never
have felt this initial attraction.
Over the next couple of weeks I would go in there for a few times a
week and we would always talk the night away having a great time.
She seemed to behave different around me then all of the other
patrons. She is simply beautiful, but is not conceited in ANY way. Its
almost as if she doesn't realize how beautiful that she is.
About a week ago we were the only ones in the bar late at night.
She asked me to dance, and I obviously accepted. The next thing
we know we are embraced in a kiss.. I felt something that not even
my ex wife was able to do.. I actually became weak in the knees and
overcome with an emotion that I am unfamiliar with. Could this be
the love of my life that I have always wanted? Does she feel this
burning attraction that I felt?
Well, the next day I asked her if that kiss was genuine, or if it might
have been fueled by a couple of shots she drank behind the bar
(she hardly ever drinks, so I thought that she could have been
influenced). She said the kiss was indeed genuine and that she
"likes me a ton", but she thinks we should just be friends.
Ouch, the dreaded "friend" word. Once you become a "friend", there
is little chance that you can get out from under that. This young lady
absolutely makes me melt in her presence. I have never felt that
energy. She rejected me in a very nice way (kindness is in her
nature), but rejection is a horrible feeling nonetheless.
I still frequent the bar, but just seeing her is quite painful. She treats
me different from anyone else, and I can sense that she has
feelings, by the way she looks and acts around me. I have had
friends say "she likes you man".. We still talk, and I try to respect
her wishes to just be friends. Its painful though, because I see
someone that I have fallen in love with but can't have.
I wonder if I should just stay away for awhile, since the pain is pretty
intense, or if I should just settle to be her friend. I'm not sure if thats
possible however. She has a job where she gets "picked up on" a
dozen times a day. She always turns them down. She doesn't seem
interested in any of them like she does with me. I don't know what to
do. I'll write back soon and update my readers. Rejection by the
woman I love has broken my heart.
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Pain of Rejection
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